• Victoria Karger

7 Tips and Tricks to Grow Confidence:

Hello loves!! As most of you know, my sweet baby boy was born on June 28 so the blog got pushed aside due to recovery, many sleepless nights, diaper changes, baths and snuggles.(: BUT I am SO PUMPED to get back and pick up where I left off with you guys on this journey and I am so sorry I was not able to do more until now!

Today I want to talk about confidence. This topic is so close to the heart because since having a baby I have realized just how much our bodies, minds and lives change during pregnancy and AFTER. Yes ladies, especially after. A quick shout out to all my men out there reading this... don't stop! This is not just advice for women but you too! But to explain why I have decided to make my first debut back about these tips and tricks I practice to stay confident... I want to start with this. I spent about the last two weeks of my pregnancy looking at every crop top, high waisted short and everything between with the thought of "Oh my gosh I cannot wait to be able to wear this again" and thinking "I know my life is going to completely change and I am so ready" etc. I was totally that woman who thought I would pop Tate out and have my flat tummy again, my stretch marks disappear, be all on top of this motherhood thing and everything go back to the way it was before pregnancy just plus a baby. So one can only imagine how I and plenty of other women who thought the same as me felt when we left the hospital still looking 4 months pregnant and still having some tummy and just a different shape in general even 3 weeks postpartum. It is a HARD KNOCK LIFE putting clothing on that you used to look bangin' in and feeling like a big ole cube of cheese! One can only imagine how I and plenty of other women felt when we realized we had no freaking clue what we were doing and that motherhood is HARD. And one can only imagine how it felt when I and plenty of other women realized that we cannot make a quick trip to the store anymore because we can't just leave a baby in the car to run inside real quick. All of this stuff is super overwhelming at times and can take a huge toll on your self confidence. These realizations and feelings really got me searching back to the seeds that helped plant my confidence throughout my life. And these are not just things that we need to practice postpartum or just on bad days... these are tools we need to utilize everyday! Confidence in yourself can either make you or break you and is one of the major staples to life. So with that being said... if you want to know my 7 tips and tricks that have enabled me to grow and KEEP confidence then keep reading!(:

1. Having control and accepting yourself emotionally: The main reason our confidence falls short most times is due to things that we cannot control. The less control we have over the things in our lives the more hopeless things may seem. And you would think that this seems silly since we really have no control over a lot of things in our lives. But what a lot of people don’t realize is that you can actually trick your mind into believing it has more control than it actually does. The way you do this is by simply... accepting that you do not have control. I want everybody to search through their minds and think of the times they felt the least confident. It was most likely a time that all control over a situation seemed lost and you were probably grappling for that last bit of control you had left desperately. I’ve been there for sure... and SURPRISE... everybody has. We all see that most things are out of our control and it is OKAY. So right now I want to talk about some things that I practice to trick my mind like I mentioned earlier. A lot of times, if I am feeling overwhelmed and not in control of a situation or a person I will close my eyes and seriously tell myself “It is okay. You cannot change anything that is happening right now and it is not the end of the world.” It may seem somewhat obvious and pointless but it does wonders for me. By making a point to relinquish the grasp you want to have on control, you gain some. And you see examples of this in life all of the time. When I was in elementary school, I remember that I would let these girls in my class really really get to me and make me so upset. My mom finally told me one day that I should pretend to not care just one time and see how they react. I did as my mom said and of course the girls found it no fun to pester me when I was relaxed and seemingly unbothered. Sometimes handing over that control is the best way to gain some. You can also do this by really accepting your feelings. If you feel sad about something, cry. If you feel happy, dance around in your room. If you feel angry, hit your pillow and scream! We are all human and the last thing you want to be doing is punishing yourself for having normal feelings and emotions. And you definitely shouldn’t let anybody else punish you for that either. Be kind to yourself first and foremost. Acknowledge and accept your own feelings as a part of who you are. So now that we have spoken about things we cannot control... lets talk about things we do have control over and how to control those things in our favor.

2. Look good feel good: Some might not think this has anything to do with being confident... because why would your outside effect how you feel on the inside right? WRONG! Feeling put together is something that will absolutely make you feel 10x better. This is something that you have the most control over. You have the most control over your hygiene...getting up, taking a shower and getting ready. I know for me at least, my days are so much better whenever I make enough time to get ready and feel confident about the way I look. So if you’re having confidence issues and you’re feeling a tad gloomy... do not... I REPEAT... do not just say “F$*@ it! I don’t feel like getting ready today” because you will regret it. Push yourself. Get up. Put some dry shampoo in that hair and throw on a cute outfit. Remember that you have the most control over yourself!

3. Shake things off: ATTENTION ATTENTION!! Quit being such a sissy! That’s right I said it... stop it! Now before I explain I do want to say... like I always do... that it is okay to have feelings and get upset BUT at some point you have to just shake things off. Be strong. If you need to go have a 15 minute cry in the bathroom by all means girlfriend/boyfriend go shed those tears but at the end of the day you aren’t going to accomplish anything by sitting and having a pity party. Realize you are having angry feelings, sad feelings, uneasy feelings and then put those big kid britches on to get the job done. I think this was one of the hardest things for me to learn as I got older. Especially because I tend to be more on the emotional side and would literally let those emotions control my entire day. It is hard as hell to put your own feelings aside but you have to or you will be stuck seeing yourself as an unconfident wimp who can’t take a hit. Shake it off for you. This leads me to my next point...

6. Embarrassing things sometimes aren’t that embarrassing: Embarrassment is one of the #1 reasons for confidence taking a hit. Once you get embarrassed about something it is only natural to shut down immediately and let that confidence go from 100 to 0 real quick. But most of the time things that are embarrassing are way worse in your own mind. Especially since we tend to knit pick at every detail once our confidence gets shot down. Nobody is knit picking at you the way you are I guarantee it. So if someone laughs at you, laugh with them. Shit happens and sometimes we are just plain dumb. You will feel a huge sense of relief and freedom when you can sit down and say "Okay yeah that was embarrassing... I am a nut sometimes HAHA!"

5, Overcome fear: Taking chances are not my specialty... and I’m sure most can agree with me when I say that doing things I’m scared of makes me want to pull my hair out LOL. Although this is not my favorite thing, I will say that I feel the most proud of myself after I have done something that I have been afraid of doing. It can be as little as going out to eat alone when you actually wanted to have some company. Or it can be as big as skydiving when you’re terrified of heights. Overcoming little fears can be just as much of a milestone as overcoming big ones... as long as you are running full speed at them no matter what. 

6. Do not compare: THIS IS A HUGE ONE. Especially with social media nowadays... every single person compares their life to another. I am to blame for this as well. And who can blame any of us when all we look at majority of the day is the BEST PARTS of people's lives. We see the most lavish, extravagant and beautiful parts of people's lives and barely get to see any of the ugly. But with that being said, it is very important to remember that there is some ugly to everybody’s life. Whether we see it or not. Every single person is a human being and has their low points. So stop comparing yourself to others. The only thing you are doing by that is doing yourself a huge disservice. Whenever you compare yourself to others you are without a doubt defying the fact that you are you for a reason and that will never change. Find the things that YOU enjoy and the things that YOU are good at and watch that confidence bloom. 

7. Be kind, be patient, and stay in your lane: This is by far my favorite tip and I’ll tell you why. There have definitely been stages in my life that I have not tuned into my inner angel. I have been a bully, I have been mean before, I have been impatient and unforgiving. Growing up you would probably always hear adults say things like “Well if they are bullying you it’s because they are jealous of you. They are just trying to raise themselves up by knocking you down.” and they are 100% correct. There is no way on earth that you can be confident in who you are when you are being a shit individual and that’s just that. And with that being said... don’t waste your time on those shit people either, because I promise they are miserable people looking for some way to make themselves feel better. The nicer and the more patient you are to people the easier it is to be kind to yourself. So stay in your lane. Don’t invest energy into judging other people’s lives or decisions. This life is for you to live not to be judge, jury and executioner for the population. At some point you have to realize that it’s time to tune out the drama. You don’t need to know how Sally got that Mercedes or why Jenny and Brad broke up. Everybody has a life of their own and things get messy. If your life hasn’t gotten messy at all then you’re lying. Dig deep in to who you are and what you truly enjoy doing and do that. Focus on it. Let that fill your time instead of why Betty tweeted this and that. Because finding out that Betty tweeted because her boyfriend cheated on her don’t pay the bills honey and it sure as hell isn't a good way to spend time that you should be using to nourish your own soul.  

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