Ten tips to maintain a healthy relationship:
Updated: Jun 1, 2019
Hi loves! Welcome back to my page and thank you for tuning in! Evan and I's one year anniversary was yesterday so I thought it only natural to make a post about relationships. Relationships are some of the funnest but hardest things to maintain in life... and they take a lot of work. So before I start, I just want to say that I am not a relationship councilor or a professional on relationships. These tips are tailored to fit Evan and I's relationship. These are things that we have discovered work for us and every relationship is different. Although these are things we implement... we still think these tips are general and can apply to most relationships. Now... these tips wouldn't be too great without a little help from a male perspective. For this post today, I asked Evan to join in and make some points of his own as well, so this information is content that we mutually think is essential to relationships and helpful! WOOHOO! Lets get right in to it!
Ten tips that Evan and I practice to maintain a healthy relationship:
1. Never settle:
This is the most important tip on the list and one that Evan and I both think is extremely important. And not only has this become a tip that we often tell others looking for love, but a tip for life in general. I used to always tell myself that love was about finding somebody who checked 80% of your boxes and that 20% leftover was just something you had to deal with. Whether you are settling physically or mentally... this is a serious NO NO. Women have a tendency to groom men in to what they want and if you fall in love with somebody who checks all of your boxes completely, from the start, then that grooming does not happen. When you settle for something less than you deserve, you are placing a low bar that others can see... including your significant other. So they will either be your slave not wanting to lose you, or they will treat you with such attention that equals that low bar. Both of these eventually lead to an unbalanced and unhappy relationship.
2. Know your worth:
Knowing your own worth is an essential part to not settling. Because if you know your worth you WILL NEVER SETTLE. So love yourself. Love every single part of yourself. Love every single hair and flaw so much that it is impossible to be like any other person. Because if you do not...how will somebody else? This is really really important to Evan and he explains it like this, "If a man doesn’t have a solid understanding of himself and does not have his individual voice, then the woman will get bored. A woman falls in love with one person and if you change to fit her version of "worthy", you aren’t the person she originally fell in love with." Y'ALL. I practically fell over when Evan said this because it is SO TRUE. Girl or guy... you CANNOT place your value in another person's hands. If you do, you become this entirely different person that was never and should never be there to begin with. Confidence should always come from within yourself opposed to an affirmation from another. <3
3. THINK before you speak when angry:
This is a tricky one for Evan and I. We are both emotionally driven people, so when we get upset we tend to speak before thinking. It is so important to take that little minute when you want to rip your love's head off to take a deep breath.(: Sometimes I even have to go to another room. And that is totally okay because nothing will ever be communicated, fixed, expressed, etc. when there are a slur of emotional words being spat.
4. Bickering is OKAY, Fighting 24/7 is NOT:
Evan and I are major fans of Jordan Peterson and he makes the best points about fighting in a relationship in this video(skip to the 1:40 mark if you want to get right to the good stuff)... Click HERE to watch it! Jordan Peterson is a Professor at the University of Toronto, a clinical psychologist, public speaker and writer. In my opinion, he has the absolute best ideas and views on worldly things, including relationships. Evan and I love spending our time in the car listening to him and have each read some of his books. So if you are at all in to self help or love listening to really smart people who make life make sense(lol) then go look him up! What he says in this video is that you can not have a healthy relationship without some bickering. Two people who bicker are people who respect one another and in return both know they have something to bring to the table. If a couple stops challenging each other, then the relationship becomes boring. And if there is too much fighting, then a relationship cannot progress.
5. FORGIVE AND FORGET:
Most fights get so ugly because both parties refuse to let it go. I know this is honestly one of the hardest things for me and Evan to do. Especially hard for me. I am a Taurus to the core and am extremely stubborn. I often feel as though if I forgive then I will be seen as a push over and that can be truthful in some ways but most of the time... not forgiving tends to extend the longevity of an argument for no reason. If anybody has ever been in a situation where both parties can not really remember why there was a disagreement... it needs to be dropped. So forgive first. When I am feeling prideful I often ask myself, "Will this affect me in a year? Will I look back and be content with the fact that I have put so much time in to this?" And my answer is almost always, "No it will not affect me. It is a waste of life." And your partner should do the same. If you have made yourself vulnerable enough to forgive and let go, then they should be able to do the same or I hate to break it to you... they are not the one.
6. Build a life for yourself:
NEVER let there be a situation where your life could be ripped from beneath you. I had a major problem with this in one of my relationships. I focused my life solely on my significant other and when we broke up, I had no idea what to do. I made his friends my only friends, I made his family practically my only family and so forth. You are only left with what you have built for yourself at the end of the day. If everything else crumbles, you want that foundation to still be standing or else you will be left with nothing. Forgetting your own life is often the result of feeling like your partner will leave. So naturally, if we feel as though we are going to lose something, we put more effort in to it and seem to forget ourselves in the process. Anybody who makes you feel as though they are going to leave is somebody who should not be in your life to begin with OR the relationship needs to be adjusted. Sometimes when people get bored they start to have little care for that relationship and this can be changed quickly with just a little bit of spontaneity. But moral of the story, never ever sacrifice your life to keep somebody who is not with you 100%. You have to have some things that are yours.
I tend to be very serious and straight forward, especially when I am frustrated and one thing that I love about Evan is how he defuses a situation. I am probably not the only one who stays grumpy once agitated and Evan can always make me feel better by making me laugh. But this is not even the most important time to laugh. The most important time to remember to laugh is when an argument is ABOUT to occur. Key word! ABOUT! Sometimes the best way to not get in to it with your significant other is to laugh it off. I try to practice this often when Evan starts to get frustrated because he usually ends up laughing with me. What could have been a negative memory ends up being a silly moment!
8. Don’t apologize for how you feel:
This tip can definitely apply to some of the men out there but this is a FOR SURE for my ladies! As women, we tend to be emotional creatures. It is the way that we are wired and there is nothing wrong with that in the slightest. If you feel a certain way, it is for a reason. One of the biggest mistakes I have ever made is apologizing for the way that I feel. I once had a man tell me that he thought something was "wrong with me and that I needed help" because I was crying. NEWS FLASH LADIES!! That is absurd! Cry if you want and if you feel upset it is okay to express yourself and stand up for yourself if necessary. This is something that I can give Evan an A+ on. He is always there to listen when I am upset and sympathize with me when needed. And vice versa when he is upset. Without the practice of respecting each other's emotions... a relationship can be lost. And we do not want that!
9. Be open to admitting when you’re wrong:
You are not perfect! And love is a two way street. If you cannot admit when you have made a mistake then you are not ready to be in a relationship. AND I AM SAYING IT REAL LOUD FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK! If you cannot admit when you are mistaken... do not commit to a relationship! We all make mistakes, every single day and one of the best parts of life is learning and growing from those mistakes! So instead of looking at that admission of guilt as a prison sentence... use it as a key to unlock those doors and free yourself! Free your relationship! Because nobody is perfect and the sooner you both realize that the more fun growing side by side will be.
10. Put in effort 100%:
Love is nothing without effort. This is by far one of the most important tips. Learn about your significant other. Research their love language, personality type, zodiac sign. But they need to do the same for you. My love language is quality time and Evan's is acts of service so we try to think of that as often as possible. For instance, our one year anniversary was yesterday so Evan took a personal day off work to spend with me. And any time that Evan is needing to do something I try to help out. Click HERE to find out your love language! Many people do not believe that zodiac signs contain any truth but Evan and I both went INSANE when we started doing more research on ours. Nowadays you can even check how compatible different zodiac signs are for each other! Now, I wouldn't rely so much on the compatibility part but when it comes to learning about each other's personalities... it is so important to understand what you each can offer. Evan is an Aries and they tend to be spontaneous and take chances whereas Taurus' are grounded and do not like to go out of their comfort zone. Evan really helps push me out of that comfort zone and try new things and I bring Evan back down to earth when he is being unrealistic. We both love knowing these things about each other because we each have a better understanding of where we belong in the relationship! If effort starts to decrease then a relationship is not equal and you end up with one person doing all of the work. If you start to feel like you do not want to put effort in then it is time to move on, plain and simple.
In the end, a relationship is all about walking the fine line of the yin and yang. If you try to force something that isn’t supposed to be there in the first place, then it will not ever work. You each have to balance each other perfectly but it should not be something that is coerced. If you look over these tips once more you can see there is a commonality, balance. Love is ALL about finding a balance... whether a couple learns this through communication or trial and error or both! Balance is the key. Letting things develop and walking away when necessary is crucial. True love comes when you aren’t looking and when you finally tell yourself that you are willing to wait for that perfect person! At the end of the day, your person will be there no matter what because they love you. But these tips are definitely something that can make those hard times a little easier!
That is it for me today loves! I wish and hope that ever single person reading this is with their person or close to finding them because it is truly the best experience. As always... if you have any questions or just want to chat you can reach me on here, Instagram DM me or email me at email@example.com! Bye loves!(: